Am I really too old to be hitting people in the face?

I'm too nice. I hear it all the time. I believe that people are good, and when given the chance they will do good. I feel that if I act like all people will always do bad, I take away their right to faith in their humanity. I am often accused of being naive; I'm not, I just want people to choose to do good things. This leads me to letting people take advantage of me, or more often so, my angst over protecting myself from all the bad people in the world who are only looking out for themselves. It hurts my soul that not everyone is completely sure that each person they meet wants the world to be a better place. I mean, how is that not possible, really? Sure, I want stuff for myself. I lie in bed at night thinking about how nice it would be to....(fill in the blank) but it never really occurs to me to stomp on those around me to get there/it. So, the point is that I have, of late, been working on doing what I have to do. Not doing the wrong thing, but doing things for me and my family, even when I know it may not make everyone in the situation happy. Some of my development is in the area of not compromising. Well, not so much compromising, but, I guess, being more on the taking end of the give and take. Yikes! I hate it already. But when I look at my life and at those I am constantly giving to in hopes that they will give back somewhere, somehow, to someone-anyone- it is draining, so enough is enough. It peels my skin off a bit, but in the end, there is balance. Secondly, I'm working on saying something about it. I am exceptionally good at telling the waitress this is not what I ordered; I am not so accomplished at telling people who I confront on a daily basis that they are being a jerk. You know, you don't want to be rude, so you just don't say anything. But, maybe if we all just started saying something, people would cut out half the crap they pull. Something like magic, but more accurately, I believe we call it accountability. In the end, we are all part of a world community, and it is really easy to complain when the people screwing us over can't hear us, but to look them in the eye and say their actions are unacceptable, that is difficult and requires bravery. Maybe they won't listen. Maybe your situation won't change at all. Maybe you don't have a back-up plan, so if they laugh in your face, you still have to work with them, live with them, serve them, see them tomorrow. But you stood up. You let them choose to be the bad guy in full light of the alternative. You knocked a stone out of the foundation of the wall they were attempting to build around their conscience. Your children saw your brave face, and they truly believe that if you can do it and you mean it, then it is more important than anything. It is their truth. Well, your kids are more than right, it is THE truth. 

finally a beginning

Everything just needs to be said. Everything is so often so unreal, yet so life-altering. Saying it. Putting it out there--there is reality in that. Finality. There is peace in knowing I'm not making this stuff up. No one even knows I'm here. No one needs to know. There simply must be a record. At some point, just seeing that it's time stamped in some cyberspot will be necessary.  In the meantime, it eases the lonely journey along the edge of everything.